life is a diet of cupcakes and hotdogs

and heartburns.

The wail

like a childhood urge
we all stand innocent now
inside the giant whale
waiting to submerge -
and all eager to bow.

on the shoulders of the giant
the primadonna is yearning to breathe
stardust cloaking her lungs
salt water up to her teeth .

bring new life to abandoned fowls

the fairhaired friend of vanity
and the cheerful brother of pain
a nirvana of debris, humiliation and shame

an innocent bystander of the perfect crime
a sheep in the desert
a pet in the rain
a shepherd seeking solace
and a clown casting frowns

a cry of resemblance
each night lasts a week
in the prime of life, legs and hearts open wide
an opinion beheld by the bottom of the glass

parting is painful
be prepaired, walk the walk, talk and talk
carry only an emergency kit and the burden to believe
don't walk on the edge
and stand clear of the doors

never too long

We used to be the shiny patrons
of a lovely empire going down
we let the jugglers and the lions
take care of our frowns

You held your spirits high
i laid my dreams down next to yours
till i was groped by burning fevers
and you ran out of cures.

So we never kissed good-night
beneath the auburn autumn skies
we never met the demons
that stood to be defied
and we never tried.

But we agreed there is still time
and we can surely water down the wine
still you should know
-although all my thoughts always come back to you-
i might be getting tired
somewhere down the line.

Safe tonight

the room smells of parafine and beer
and durex ultra light
the stains illustrate the scent
we've broken every right
all that's left is bent
The doormat in the doorway smiles
and cries "darling, looking good tonight!"

"we should make babies!"
"i don't know", I said,
"i mean,
high cheekbones
and low self-esteem
we're certainly two of a kind
but who knows if we'll end up together,
i mean, apart from tonight".

So we talk
till there's nothing left but loss
for the both of us
the way we look tonight
doesn't make anything right
and again we realize
as we sit and watch the youth go by
that life goes on, but why.

no title

the highs are high
the lows are low
you're driven to a fall
because you got nowhere to go

you collect the traces
of a miracle dressed in blue
and it mirrors all the faces
of the one woman you knew

you were governed by circumstance
and your soft-featured opium friend
who took you through this sequence
in a lightless train

in trite words you gave an overview
of your straightforward baby soul
you made an attempt to declare
where you were coming from
but you looked like her cathedral
in the desert sun

so you hunt down the details
when all she had was love
and you're burying your luck
like it's a thankless task.

lyrics

and like the weddings
and bar mitzvahs
we celebrate
the anniversary

of the worst day
and the worst year
we have so far
lived to see

as in the worst fears
of those who haven't
started drinking
-just yet

cause they knew to
suppress the dreaming
by reaching only for
what they could get.

at times we'd tell them
we are orphans
to give explanations
for the pain

and then we teach them
it is not right
to apologize
for their gains

cause they'd donate
all they care about
until there's nothing left
but the birthday cake

because they're so stuck
and so confused
that they trust we know
what is at stake

so like pets
we raise them inside
to protect them
from the grief

cause if we loved something
we'd let it go
but if we love someone
we leave.

so we travel
to the other side
to find the green grass
that we left

and the orphans
tell their stories
of their failures
and distress

and they cross their legs
and wait to see
whatever happens
to their fairy plot

cause we still believe
we have a fair chance
until rock covers paper
and then what?

and it's time
and it's time
and we tell them
there's no way

"cause i"m an ocean
i'm an airplane
i'm a man
and i am free".

draft

the orphaned kids and dealers are running for the door
the old man with the bear traps stops to wonder
what he's been hunting for...
the rebels in the backyard are singing "mon amour"....

what tom said to sarah who wasn't there

i walked in with no expectations
you left with no goodbye
and between "fuck you"
and "come back"
i'm torn apart
by a broken heart
that i have to hide.

the clocks ain't moving
the days won't go by
they stopped at "come back"
"with the truth or with a lie".

and i hate
to realize
that i'm a child
i'm a child
i dream like a child
i play like a child
i am a toy like a child
i am a fool like a child
i am naive like a child
even when i say that i'm a big boy now
i am guilty like a child
i have done that and bought t-shirts
from everywhere i've been
and i haven't learned a thing.

strange child

then you said there's time for us "if nothing intervenes"
and i howled at my limited window of luck
but my plans are greater than my secrets
and they're both fighting in my dreams

and your heart burns in pace
with the ailments of the brave
who start from scratch every night
so you knock down the pillows
and watch the bridges fall
but the child in your mind
feels left behind
and it's reaching for another guide

so you walk out taking the memory
of an episode in the symphony
like a man of great civility
full of nightmares and uncertainty
and there's no one at the door who cares.

before (draft)

before the tired eyes of time took a close-up shot of the truth behind the lies
before the beast they all liked better than the man put itself to sleep and died
before all the signs of kindness were withdrawn with just one word
before silence broke the tired cheers you deny you ever heard

before we fought down the sparkling mirage of being in control
before the golden dawn shed daylight over the most eternal goal

that's when we believed.
that's when we had it all.

.....

i am pony with a vampire's teeth
i kissed a young girl's distressed life away
i am a phony with a coward underneath
i put the wife to shame and had the mistress stay

i am life
and i gave you grapefruit juice
i gave you reason to decide
and bitterness to choose

i am a yellow-spotted lizard
i found a radiating stone
then the seasons changed
and i was left alone.

he said life is a limited window of luck
and love is a hooker on a rainy day

people watch it with facetted eyes
and they miss the big picture
and on their way home they're led astray
by the sweet nectars and miracle lights.

drAFT....

instead of wine we had white tea
to celebrate a naked angel
with a fat stomach
and a stubborn glee.

Have a safe trip,
fugitive baby devil!
(or devil baby)

entering the contest
of the human race
with a content look
on a corrupt face


Have a safe trip through the fire blaze!

get cozy with the governess


Learn to listen
to the tiger's sore old serenade
learn to talk
and learn to watch
the claret evening sky

you'll have a safe trip on this side.

You'll find your slogans
on the walls
but it doesn't feel
like they belong-

they scream
"against all odds
i love you true"
but all the words sound wrong.


(you'll) strut down open boulevards
of youthful charms
then fall into contempt

abhor the birthdays
and the coward
protect the grown man
and the child
chase the windmills
and fight the butterflies.

get a hand on a gun
and play it
all night long.

Quench the fire
with the (only) blanket
turn raisin-white and
sleep out on the porch alone

have a safe journey,
stepchild of a bitter city
have a safe flight
nevermind the zombies
hovering by.

draft...needs,,,,work

these days
the lessons sink in slower
and not every birthday means you're growing up
the stars are hanging lower
and you can act like you have never been in love

these days
a handshake is as good as an embrace
there's no uniqueness here to glorify
since the magic went (down) with her face
and since you learned she, too, has to get by.

These days
we've outgrown our stale distress
cherish the friends who pulled us through
make up with those who left
and depart those we outgrew

these days
the nights are tinged in neon lights
we all stand where we don't belong
and we sing to tell our plights
but in our hearts we don't believe
the angry youth was wrong.

Imagine

Imagine
a nation of disbelievers
with no sense of purpose
and a notion of faith gone wrong
spitting on a Buddha
and actually having fun.

to be one of us (back in the day)

run from an abusive world
with every hair in place
never show the back of your head
and make sure to hide your face

retract the air
and drown your lungs
in septic tar and honesty
learn how much you do not care
celebrate some backyard anarchy
lose ground fast
and drift free

and if you can - do never walk away.
-
-

no title either

you call yourself a poet
because you read books and paid fees
and now you know the strategies

I call myself a singer
because i read about a song
and now i'm reading about rhinos
because i want to claim i'm strong.

no title

So you say you're feeling better
with your hands tied to your back
and your knees down on the floor
and in the vicious face of freedom
you turn around and beg for more

Behind impenetrable nicotine bars
and tainted glass
and under heaps of panties and bras
your childhood kingdom of adventure
has resigned at last

You picture catastrophes
and it always involves another love
you listen too much
to that ape on your back
though you call it "guidance from above"

Just give that monkey
a piggyback ride
and then kiss good-bye that gun
quit frowning at the night
and join our anxious world of fun.

Dear Mom,

I haven't called you
but I am still as good as gold
or just as you remember me

I am pure and i made everything my fault
I have found new friends I care about
I am clear-headed now that I have lost what I did not deserve
I lost it by leaving it behind
I left it because I chose to be free
and then I messed with every girl in town.
I built a reputation there - with pleasure
My life has been disrupted
but i have plans
I am looking at a clean slate
I feel safer now that I have fallen
I am no longer eating on the past
tonight i am going out on a date
i love you

Patrick

i dont know a thing (rev)

a promise you never made is not a promise you never broke
a donkey who lifted a weight is not a bull who challenged the yoke

the player is not the one holding the cards
the true creator has never studied the arts

a gentle man is not mimed by guy in a suit
a fearless lady is not a girl with an attitude

the man on his knees is the man most afraid to fall
while the sceptic is the most passionate one of them all

but a sober thought is not a vision to change the world
and a view screamed to pieces can never again be unfurled

the doors closed before you will not help you open a window
and the ease and grief of today will sit right here till tomorrow

the lovers who shape us are the companions we once tried to hate
our happiness is not a post trembling at the end of the road of fate

cause our dreams never fit the lives we are made for
see you can't sell your love but you can still be a whore

until the doctors will treat you for your blatant lies
when you get tacky and wild and cry at life

which you think is best described as a cheap bore

but sir- is he a madman who is facing the unopen door?

draft

wailing at your future
(the one you once scetched out in wet cement)
at personal problems and recent events
and the surprising simplicity of dropping amends

hurting, hiding and confused
you claim you lost your authenticity
and common sense
along the last or the first of those fruitless errands

running out of strength
to guard your precious
ancient monuments
and too blind to jump the fence.

you're not sideshow personel
you're the leading actor in a weeknight show
so let go, let go, let go.

"some things gold are made in china"
i saw you jumping at the hint
now you're smiling like the mona lisa
while you maintain you're just a print/

hot town

it's summer in the city
time to botox your integrity
get painted like an emergency
and have a ball cause we're so free/

cover up your sevens
hang your aces out to dry
grease your meat in sunscreen
and take the muscles for a fry/

lay the lucky looks you're downpaying
out there for a display
and remember that you're here to stay
just like ice cream on a hot summer day/

you walked across the water on the backs of dead fish
you swam to the bottom of the ocean and made a wish
you loaded your home onto stretchers and biers
and let the anger lead you to the fear.

and every night you find yourself
in a room full of desperate homecoming queens
still seeing things that aren't there
and every night you lose yourself
trying to find out what it means.

still yearning to breathe free?

well too bad.
there's no such thing.
let the vultures eat your soul out
and if you can, throw them a grin.

if

"if you could be anything you want, what would you be?" i asked.

"a driver".

"what would you drive?" i asked.

"a bomb-proof tank".

"so no one can get in?" i asked.

"so no one can get out".

you're making an effort
to recall all the personal psychology
you collected and embraced when growing old
and fail to match it
with what you're told
by your most puzzling, challenging case yet
all i can say is
she's got life figured out
life
and what you are all about.

to an old friend

and why do i still want to
paint the sky blue for you
send you off to slay the dragon
sneak into the fortress
and reconquer the girl's heart

-when you can just pop a pill?

because i want you to go for the moon and the stars and the million dollars.

You both live here now

With the gravity of a page's silent plight
he's dragging his leg along
while his eyes are tracing the sidewalk
for trash and bottles and coins

you can tell he is talking
and in your language, too
by the rhythm of his lips-
quivering as he goes

but you don't hear a sound
except for the uproar
of a million minivans
speeding up and honking horns
as the traffic lights have turned
and the audience moves on.

title

drawing from exclusive sources
like walking aid applications
and food you don't need to chew
we will show you how to rely on
the help of people you despise
who will treat you like babies
and airheaded seashells
after a life of achievement
or at least wriggling-your-way-through.

they will change your diapers
cut your meat (and your mashed potatos, too)
ask painful questions they don't expect an answer to
and teach you to sit still and shut up and tremble and drool.

you don't know me yet

i'm just a voice in a line
and maybe in your head
and i'd like to keep it that way

but if you ever see a pretty girl
stamping down a field of flowers
too careless to look around

then i'll be the one
just sitting there
and watching her
and curiously witnessing
all the beauty disappear.
and you might see me frown.

I was so genuinely shocked,,,,

by the way the first lady
smiled on American Idol
(while disgracing all Africa
by telling shameless lies)
with the same milky, vacant eyes
as the brainwashed mothers and wives
who were passionately preaching
on the fairy tale lives
of their half-grown daughters
who had daddy's babies and daddy's eyes

,,,,,that i changed the channel
to watch the supernanny
taking away a little girl's pacifier
with a malevolent smile.
i turned the tv off and the radio on
and i listened for a moment to "been a son".

pragmatics

the street is paved with dead red ants
and lizards wearing frowns
the startled kids in the back seat
are learning to count down
pools of liquid cinderblocks
are gathering round the trees
daddy claims he'd seen it coming
while mommy disagrees.

all the traffic lights have turned to stop
and it's raining cats and dogs
something is closing down on us
with an air of grand indifference
the time has stopped at 8:15
you can see it on the clocks

you think a smile will pull us through?
well, that's an optimistic view -
i'd rather find a gun.

Our Father

we've beaten swords into plowshares
offered the other cheek also
we drank our milk with honey
until hell froze over.

pushed camels through needles,
smoked luckies instead
sought peace and pursued it
in bombs and terror threats.

stood up with endurance
fell down like men
and feared no evil
forever and again.

all the demons
did not break our faith
come hell or high water
we'll forgive each other
just to bore you to death.
amen.

rebirth

we screamed believe it, feel it, and you did
you learned to overcome disappointment
(we should never have written you off)

behind the scenes with open eyes
you're awarded with exclusive
reflections of dakota
where the grass is always green

your face is the finest source of a smile
it's your single biggest high
you can draw the veil
and welcome to the world.
it is still sunday.

*

leaving las vegas (lyrics)

when you walked away to find the world
you left a world behind
(for someone else to take)
to chase your peace of mind.

you left for vegas, then the canyons
you left to be a wall street man
you left to find some new companions
but if you left for love you left in vain


like a fool
on an odyssey
running from somewhere
into nobody's arms
again

you gambled on luck
you lived life in the fast lane
you cheated on your own true friends
one man's loss is another man's gain

as the walls started closing down on you
you tried to back the right horse once again
you gambled on reality
one more bet you couldn't quite maintain

all the casinos are on fire
and the gambler hits the road
at the heart of his desire
there's no love and no reproach

like a fool
on an odyssey
running from somewhere
into nobody's arms
again

midsummer

the green country is a vast island
with a wrinkled coastal string
a simple smile is melting the ice
during the freezing winter
of late spring
for the first time
since the vikings.

future

and in my memories
the lines on your face disappear
the piercing edge in your voice
sounds soothing and mellow in my ears
your startled expression melts into
an understanding smile
your awkward limp is a motion of genuine grace
the night is alight

the stifling heat is a gentle caress on my spotless skin
we're both witty and knowing
with a great sense of humor
full of true feeling and rich on inspiration
i make you like me and i like you to pieces
oh the future is good in my memories.

Why on earth did they decide
to feast on your rotten liver tonight
we all know from previous alcohol experience
about the acid taste of the remains of indifference

What made them believe
your shaky heart wanted to leave
this shaken world behind?
where on earth did they take your classic mind.

Your tongue is dry
your breath is absent
the smell of decay is in the air
and in all the shiny gold you wear

The children are gathering at the gate
to stare at the latest victim of love and hate
they cannot turn their eyes from a body
so beautifully naked and unnnaturaly blue.

Acid is leaking
from your plastic lips
a chalk mark is pointing
between your flattened hips

You can read the screaming question
the last silent cry of mourning
forming in your broken mother's eyes
and you're the one who holds the answer
so stop drooling acid and

have the decency to tell her
why on earth you had to die tonight
and why on earth you had to
make it look like suicide.

look at the stars

*
you say you don't need to know
all the records in his collection.
that there's no meaning in the words
of his favorite songs -
they are all english to you, anyways.

you see no difference in your minds
you don't feel the need to understand
the way he looks at the world
in contemplation.

you think it doesn't matter
that he really loves to travel
and run from comfort and habit formation
while you love to feel at home.

you say all you need is your heart
full of love
and your ever open arms.

and i really want you to be right.
for the sake of you and him
and me and us and them.
but love's not a walk in the park, baby .
*

to an unknown hedonist

you're an artist, you're a miracle
you are a true magician.

you make the world a better place
by painting smiles on every face
of any friend you got.

you believe in life, and love
and you believe in children
you believe in me
and in eternal youth and spring

you can beam with courtesy
you never turn your back
on anyone
who needs a front to turn to

you give more shelter
than their missions
and you bear more life
than desert rain.

you are the truest of all lovers
and you're the oldest of all friends

and you like me too.

johnnie

this is kind of an adaption of the song posted below.


so now you're back again
and i'll pay for you in cash
cause you never let me down
and you're my best friend now.

always malty-tanned and always
with your back up against the wall
oh get poured one more time
my friend, take it easy tonight.

i tried
i can't do without you
but why should i?
after all i do like you

no man listens like you do
you never laugh at me
and i don't believe
that you're the devil's own

so johnny,
go strong on me if you like
but i feel like a king tonight
johnnie walker, lalalala.

and then, there's gut feel, too.

have you ever watched a baby suck the last strength from a mother's heavy breast
have you ever denied that the mary image represents women in revelation
have you ever bought it that the world would be a better place if we all did our best
have you ever felt the need to save up money for your unborn baby's college education

have you ever raged with the black-hooded anarchists
have you ever cried with the abandoned orphan child
have you ever met the mother of your well-feared terrorist
have you ever ........ tried? .....oh well... never mind.

wet explosions

they tell us we all want to explode real big
so we can be more
than just a splinter in the eye of time
how long does it take you to realize
you're the water that's supposed to be wine.
life is harder when you're sober
the going gets tough with all the water
in your shoes
and every day you read the news.

at twelve i knew i could bring peace
to the middle east
and that i would be invited to the funerals
of sir alec guiness and lady di
(who were by the way quite alive back then)
or that they would talk of me as
a 21st century marc chagall.

i was a professional athlete
back when i was two or ten.
but then i got afraid
that this would be too sweet
so right before the seven mile mark
with a sizable lead
i just let it loose.
(like all the two year olds fall behind)
and everyone read the news.

After Robert was shot and John John died
they told us you or i could be
the next Jackie of Monaco and Kennedy
there'd be lots of exciting amenities -
we might be sent to rehab once in a while
but we could still have the time of our lives
we'd be notorious though we ain't even
pretty - or cute
(it's the appeal of the deformation, maybe)
and every day we'd head the news.

we learned to say i love you
to strangers
as a part of growing up
we've been taught not to burp
(unless we're alone)
and if we deserve a pat on the back
we will call out for a massage instead
we talk about life
and we write about sadness
and we sing about feelings
but we don't have a clue.

The water in our shoes has turned ocean color blue.
and the teenagers claim that the blood
from their tiny scratches
tastes just like the wine that they never knew.
and every day we face the news:

there's a gun in your face and a gun in your back
my love, you're free to choose.

the colors of the past
are so pretty in the sky
magically they disperse
the questions in our minds

i just close my eyes
to see the rainbows inside
my dreams are golden
and so is the light

daylight killed the nightmares
summer killed the child
friendship killed the love
water blurred the sight

me and you

addicts of a decaying city
ready for delivery
you and me.

i like company, i like the city and i like the air .
yet i spend my days in this dark place
cause i cannot bring myself to face
the urging flashlights of despair.

my mother cried, my brother sneered
when i showed my comfy coffin home.
when they failed in leaving me alone,
i closed the lid and disappeared .

this is where the magic happens, sweetheart
you'll be my princess of the night
my muddy pulseless pride and bride
i'll be the graveyard bodyguard.

hey please-

face your talent
waste your heart
ease up again
and shade some light.
be a friend to them

take a snapshot
with your tongue out
hug a streetlight
shout an unknown name

run into the teenage idol
kill a lame bug on the way
and please don't even
try to get there
choose to mind not
what they say.

stay blind,
live
digest
and fade the grey

are disturbed by your toy of choice and joy?

i worked as a room boy
just a while ago
i used to be greedy
and I used to be young,
you know.

as the backroom boy i was
i had to take the call girls' calls
and i was to let them in, too,
you know.

they broke my spine and broke my soul
they broke my lovely bones
i was a pretty broken boy-toy
when i was a room boy.

i was young and i was greedy
i got fucked cause you were needy
i got lost in disrespect
I sucked on strap-ons and neglect
I played it rude I played it coy
because i was a room boy

I know - my words make you want to
wash my mouth with soap and yours, too
but we both know
you flicked a greedy tongue at me
just a while ago